How an authentic reputation would look like

I think it is true that how you identify yourself is determined by who you spend time with the most.

I confirmed this when a friend of mine who I can confidently say she has reached enlightenment: Lifi.

Our conversation in Bandung this month circles around how we learned how miserable life is without God. It is proven because we often said,

“No time for prayer, I have deadlines.”

“Sorry, no reading upon Your Words because I’m between back to back meetings. Maybe next time.”

…and the moment we said those lines, we ended up in a loop of desperation.

Even worse, both of us are nurtured in an anxiety-inducing environment with acceptance are synonymous with achievements and accomplishments.

We see people getting into prestigious institutions highly valuable, for example like receiving acceptance from Harvard. Back in 2021 when we talked over Vietnamese cuisines in Cambridge, we put ourselves in the racing lane of Ivy league’s candidates and scholarship hunters. It’d be heartbreaking to hear rejections from campuses or scholarship providers.

Inauthentic reputation is situational

What I and Lifi didn’t know back then, is that God has been there all along. He waited for us to stay silent and listen to Him. He’s been there, patiently waiting for us to come to Him and ask, “Who am I in front of You, God?”

Instead of asking Him, what I did was keeping myself busy with more work to accomplish. The same happened to Lifi, moreover when she had so much on her plate.

Without God’s words, we put our reputation in people’s hands. Buying their opinions about ourselves allows envy and anxiety in control. Envy turns our eyes to other persons. Anxiety starts making assumption scenarios.

Instead of finding out what God wants in this life, we make our minds up only to maintain self-image built by validation from others.

At least for me, that’s what happened when I prepared for my master’s degree. My plan to pursue further education became my unique selling point when connecting with people. I’m happy when hearing people rooting for me, and it brings pleasure when seeing my colleagues wishing for the best for me.

It became problematic when my value depends on what people say about me. As I encountered crossroads of options: to continue my studies or to start a new business, my primary deciding matrix was people’s opinion about me.

How poor I am for letting people to have control in my life!

My self-worth became situational.

Authentic reputation goes beyond what my CV says

Lifi mentioned how her prayer life affects her perception of life.

Her prayer life once became ennui when she only did it for the sake of doing it. Lifting up prayers only as a routine did not spark anything. Eventually, the desire to pray stopped growing. At that moment, her anxiety took over her mind and what you see in Inside Out 2 happened.

Then change happened when she made her prayer as a personal conversation with The Almighty God. She could be herself without the fear of being judged, she could tell anything without feeling awkward.

Her story inspired me to the extent that I question my own prayer life.

When was the last time I let God spoke to me personally? Did I make time to listen to His saying? What does He consistently say about me?

When I personally look up to what He says in prayer, the answers are consistent: I love you.

Having the Almighty God – the Creator of this universe, the one responsible for the future judgment over all people – saying I love you to the personal level hits different.

This is the moment I learn how to accept myself. Whatever I’ve done and I’m planning to do no longer matter as I allow God to freely define who I am regardless of my accomplishments and failures.

At that moment, God does not stop there. He also tells His loved ones what role He called us to play.

A scholar?

A leader?

An intern?

A worker?

Whatever role He allows us to play shows how He genuinely loves us. He considered every factors to bring us to this calling, to this special role that only us He wants someone to work on. He assembled support system including the beneficiaries to make sure His design occurs.

Authentic reputation is not what people say about me.

Authentic reputation is all about what God says about me.

And good thing is, His opinion is eternal. We will cherish every beauty in having this relationship with God in eternity. One day.

Now, as a closing question for all of us: who do we want to spend time with the most in our life, if that would impact how we see ourselves?